Wow

What an emotional day. I am literally exhausted. I had mentally and emotionally prepared myself for Grayden's surgery today, even though it is the last thing in the world that I want for him. Shortly after we arrived at the hospital however; we were told that the surgery would need to be postponed because Grayden had a low grade fever. Don't get me wrong, I was a little relieved that he would not be having surgery, but knowing that he still needs doesn't let the relief last long. I have this false sense of hope that maybe when we go back they will somehow decide that he doesn't need one after all. Maybe it is my lack of sleep that is causing me to have unrealistic dreams. I am emotionally drained and so very worried. Worried that somehow in some way what I do is going to affect this whole shunt ordeal, when realistically I know it doesn't really matter. I guess I just keep dreaming that somehow I can change the outcome.

Sorry about the babbling, just feeling totally overwhelmed.