So I sit here tonight staring at my beautiful baby boy trying to hold it together, trying not to panic, and trying not to jump ahead of myself. We have known that a shunt would be a possibility since we were initially given Grayden's diagnosis, and we have tried to mentally prepare ourselves for the time that we would be told he may need one. Honestly I don't think I will ever be ready or okay with it. Grayden had his monthly head ultra sound and neurosurgeon appointment today. His ventricles have enlarged and something called the resistive factor has also increased, both indicating that Grayden may be in need of a shunt in the very near future. The neurosurgeon is giving him one more month, and at the next appointment based on what he sees, he will decide if a shunt is necessary. I know that if Grayden needs a shunt, then he needs it, and it will save his life; however I am freaking out at the thought of him having to have one.
I sit here staring at my precious baby, wanting to protect him, wanting him to be free of all of this and sincerely hoping somehow we will avoid the need for a shunt.
Really in need of some positive thoughts today and for the next month.
Thank you for those of you who have ordered hats from me and my mom. We are looking forward to starting therapy with Grayden in the very near future!!
www.gearforgrayden.blogspot.com
12
4 years ago
I think it is wonderful that sweet Grayden hasn't needed a shunt this far! You are doing amazing... don't borrow worry from tomorrow. Watch for the signs your doc gave you, and enjoy every minute with Grayden. I wasted a lot of Esther-Faith's first year worrying.
ReplyDeleteWe'll be praying for you and Grayden over the next days, weeks, and months.
Karin.
(from the HennHouse)
BTW- I don't know if you're a big Bible reader or not, but I often turn there when I need some comfort:
Psalm 33:20 "We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield."
Lamentations 3:25 "The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him."
Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
I am also of the thought that it is truly a blessing that he has had this time to grow and get stronger. I look back now and I'm so thankful that we were able to have the time we had - and that we had good doctors to do the surgery. But it is so much easier to look back than to look ahead so I truly sympathize with your anxiety. I cried ALL DAY after the appointment when Jet's doctor told us he was going to need a shunt after all. I was so disappointed - I felt like that was one of the things God had blessed us with and now He was taking it away. But later I realized the blessing was still there and double! Double in that Jet had the time to heal and grow from his spinal surgery - and in that modern medicine allowed for this life-saving surgery to save my baby. Those are some great verses Karin shared. Mediated on those and when you look at Grayden try not to feel sad that he may need a shunt - reminde yourself to feel happy and so thankful that he can GET ONE. In another time or another country...it may not be the same for another child. He is healthy and has good care providers and a wonderful family to take care of him - it is all going to be okay. :) I know it's hard not to be scared. That is totally normal. But we'll be praying for you all and I have faith that God is taking care of you. Keep us posted.
ReplyDeleteI know that fear you're feeling right now, and I agree with the others that worry doesn't do anybody any good. Grayden has good doctors who are keeping a close eye on him, and if he needs a shunt, thank God for shunts. It always helps me to remember that even when we don't know what's going on in these little bodies, God knows. Grayden is in good hands. Don't let the fear take over your life.
ReplyDeleteOh Kelly, My heart hurts just reading this. I so remember the day that Dr. F told us that Grey would need a shunt. I sat in his office just crying and crying (he shook my hand to show his support/sympathy...thanks Dr. F) Like the others have said, it is a such a blessing that Grayden has gone this far without needing a shunt...he is bigger, stronger so if he does in fact need one, he can handle it like the superstar that he SO is! I am SO SO SO grateful for Greyson's shunt. I know, without a doubt that he is doing so well because of it. :) Hang in there...you guys are in our prayers.
ReplyDeleteIt is so incredibly hard not to be anxious! When Carson was being monitored for a shunt we had a little scare when something enlarged (can't remember anymore what it was) and we had to get additional testing to learn whether or not a shunt was needed. I burst into tears at dr foody's office (I'm pretty sure i have probably cried at every specialists office by now, haha!)Anyway, it turns out that he didn't need one after all. Yet, as an SB mom, I have learned that if you don't have to be anxious about a shunt there are plenty of other things to freak out about. You have to constantly remind yourself to not let fear and worry consume you. You are a great mom, you are in a location with great resources, and you are surrounded by a great SB community :)Grayden is going to do wonderful things and every challenge you face will make you even stronger. Take a deep breath and don't forget to enjoy Grayden as a baby- it goes quick!
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